So it’s crazy to think that I’m just a little over a month away from going to China. It has been amazing to see how the Lord has proved to me over and over throughout the past few weeks that I really am supposed to go on this trip. He has ordained it and He has a purpose. Things have not happened accidentally or coincidentally. The thought of that makes me excited and also a little nervous. I go back and forth between being ready to go tomorrow and being super anxious and sad about leaving my family for that long. Gosh, it’s not even really that long–I guess it’s just the thought of being literally half a world away and the thought that if something were to happen, it would take me 24 hours to get home. It seems like there is so much to get done between now and then and something going on every weekend. I have felt very consumed the past week with trying to get stuff done and trying to get ‘caught up’ that it has caused me to become flustered, exhausted, and irritable. I haven’t had the quite alone time that I so desperately want and need to just sit and hear from the Lord and allow Him to prepare my heart for this trip. It is my prayer that my humanness (is that a word?) doesn’t get in the way of what God wants to do through me and with me during this trip. I feel so unqualified to be going, but also honored that I have this opportunity. Sometimes I just want to ask, “Lord, what are you doing with me?….I know something is going on, I just don’t know what. ” I feel like things for some reason will make more sense after going to China. That really doesn’t make sense at all when I say it. My flesh sometimes just wants to be like, ‘why can’t I be normal? Normal people don’t just go to China on a whim like this….’ But I am quickly reminded that God doesn’t call us to a ’safe’ and ‘normal’ life necessarily. Obviously He doesn’t call us all to China, but he calls us all to something….and a lot of the time it is something a little crazy, a little scary, and a little risky…..but with great risk comes great reward, right? And that reward can only be revealed to us when we muster up all the strength we have and step out in faith knowing that God will be there to walk with us….or run with us into a deeper knowledge and love for Him…..that’s not so bad, huh?

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